Archive for the News Category

Akon Talks; I Listen

Posted in Absurdity, News with tags , on January 27, 2010 by Pvt. Eyes

I travel a lot for work so sometimes it takes me awhile to catch up on pop music. I heard this song (which I don’t even think was that new) and my friend told me Akon involved in its creation.

I was kind of in disbelief because it seemed like it was a bit of a change of pace for him. Of course I was wrong, and I should have known because anything this guy touches turns to fucking gold.

A few more things about Akon: Did you know nobody actually knows how old he is? And he doesn’t believe in conflict diamonds? More popstars need to have crazy-ass backstories like this. Born with 15 toes? Raised by bizarre Christian sectarians? Fluent in 15 languages? Absolutely.

Back to this song “Sexy Bitch,” which is really great. I’m struck by the questions it raises as it moves into the chorus. To catch you up on what’s going on, this guy goes into a bar (actually it’s probably a club). I guess he’s heard some girl there is pretty dtf. He sees her and it’s stunning. He can’t even talk at this point, so the lyrics are basically describing his inner monologue:

“The way that booty moving i can’t take no more…
I’m trying to find the words to describe this girl
Without being disrespectful”

OK. Fair enough. We’ve all been in a situation like this. Maybe. Anyhow, apparently David Guetta (and also Akon) are thinking pretty hard about what’s going on. Eventually they do find words:

“Damn Girl You’se a sexy bitch, a sexy bitch, a sexy bitch
Damn Girl You’se a sexy bitch, damn girl
Damn Girl You’se a sexy bitch, a sexy bitch, a sexy bitch
Damn Girl You’se a sexy bitch, damn girl”

So the main question: are these the non-disrespectful words they found to describe this girl? Or is she just so spectacular looking they just gave up and decided to blurt out whatever came to mind, disrespectful or not.

Personally I think it’s the former. It’s actually a pretty urgent plea and if somebody was that upfront about something like that with me, I think I’d be into it.


New screenshots of Street Fighter IV’s Rufus unveiled: brings back fond memories of Earthquake’s butthole blossom.

Posted in News with tags , , , , , , on May 31, 2008 by pappimarx

According to SNK in 1993, a true American was one of two things: a blonde douchebag with a dog, or an enormous tatted-out, trailer-park, bald-as-balls neighborhood Big and Tall shopper (pictured below). And one whose best move is ass-blasting the shit out of his opponents with a formidable colon buffet. I’m relieved to witness that these Japanese sentiments have been kept alive by Capcom roughly 15 years later.

Fighting games’ plus size characters have always provided a nice break from the serious ninjas and in-shape ass kickers that you generally have at your disposal. I’ve never really been able to get into playing them consistently simply because when it comes down to it, a lack of speed just gets your offensively large ass kicked. Still, regardless of whether he’s a “good character” or not, Rufus looks pretty damn absurd to wield. I’ll be looking forward to this title even more now.

For more screen shots check out Kotaku’s article.

Weezer puts a solid foot forward in the digital scene.

Posted in News with tags , , , on May 26, 2008 by pappimarx

On Friday Weezer released the music video for the band’s new single Pork and Beans off their new self-titled “Red Album” which comes out June 3rd. I have pretty much fallen off from giving a rat’s ass about Weezer’s new stuff since the Green Album shat all over my expectations circa my senior year of high school. However, I’m posting this music video, which is set to a fairly mediocre song, since it’s outright awesome – especially if you’re an internet nerd and on a first-name basis with all the miscellaneous YouTube stars such as afro ninja and Kelly.

When big internet phenomena started around ten years ago or so (or at least when I started noticing them) they always seemed like an underground experience limited to a small group of people who had way too much time on their hands in order to look up flash animations of dancing bananas. As we all know, the internet scene is now far from its origins, with extremely popular distribution channels used by virtually everybody spreading new hits like wildfire.

I always considered these internet “stars” as separate from mainstream film, television, music and video games. The first time I started to recognize that they were leaking (for better or worse) into said media was when the Juggernaut in X3 exclaimed the popular internet voice-over line “I’M THE JUGGERNAUT, BITCH!!”

Just plain ridiculous.

Not only did X3 take a huge step back from how great the second installment was (Brett Ratner blows goat ass), they also got cheap cheers from inserting a line made popular by the internet.  Suffice it to say it blew my mind that something I considered on the same level as Peanut Butter Jelly Time (no offense PBJT, you’re awesome but have no place in a movie) made it into a major motion picture. Since then, another notable internet-Film/TV interaction that comes to mind is a Season 12 South Park episode mocking the Writer’s Strike.

Weezer’s video uses largely the same means as the X3 scene but achieves a much more kickass end by not cheapening the original but rather bringing the internet community into their video in a personal way. As super lame as that sounds, I think we’re going to see a lot more of what Weezer has done, whether it’s in the form of music marketing and presentation or so far as entirely new sites dedicated to getting new artist content on a free forum for listener exchange of thought (think MySpace music but more interactive to the user).

GTA IV thief nabbed in my own backyard.

Posted in News with tags , , , , on May 1, 2008 by pappimarx

Well, not literally in my back lawn but almost as good – the police got this kid in my own sunny San Diego. Not satisfied with virtual police pursuit alone, Dennis Richard Fiel allegedly sprayed several unfortunate Mira Mesa Gamestop employees with a can of mace, grabbed a couple copies of GTA IV (released on Tuesday), and bolted.

Instead of laying low for a while to dodge some pigs like we all know GTA’s protagonist Niko would, Fiel decided to go celebrate his heroic exploits at his favorite local Japanese BBQ joint. Bad move – the cops, who had been searching for him on the ground and in the air, nabbed him almost instantly. They found the can of mace and the games still in his truck.

Unfortunately this act is classified as a felony, or else we could all be making Grand Theft Grand Theft Auto jokes for years to come.

Source: Union Tribune

Donovan less dominant on digital turf

Posted in News with tags , , on April 29, 2008 by daggius

Landon Donovan is the force behind the LA Galaxy’s “sucking less than last season” campaign, with a hat trick last weekend in the Galaxy’s 5-2 win over rival Chivas USA and two goals the previous week (including MLS goal of the week) and two goals the week before. The man is on fire. What’s also amazing is that he finds time amidst his professional sports career to game. Thats right, according to the interview below, he’s been enjoying virtual sports such as Fifa and Madden for “like twelve years straight”. Unfortunately that doesn’t stop him from taking an apparent drubbing from some tub with a shit-faced grin. It’s unnerving how intent that guy is on e-shaming Donovan (instead of basking in the man’s veritable awesomeness). Seven goals in three games. Holy shit I’m glad he’s on my fantasy team.

Rockstar’s Midnight Club series takes on the clusterf*$k urban sprawl that is Los Angeles.

Posted in News with tags , , on April 22, 2008 by pappimarx

…And by take on I mean near-flawlessly recreate the city. Given the…how can I put this…less than favorable way in which L.A.’s urban “planning” has created the ever-growing metropolis we know today, this seems like an incredibly daunting task. Well, rest assured, not only is the virtual Los Angeles in this game startlingly accurate – it also looks damn good.

As someone who has lived in L.A. and experienced the good and, of course, the bad that the City of Angels has to offer, I can honestly say that the most appealing aspect of this game to me would be driving at 130 miles per hour on the 405 at any time of day I fucking please. A Los Angeles with no traffic and no shitty air quality (although I’m unsure if Rockstar is going to release a peripheral that periodically shoots a delightful spurt of carbon monoxide in your face to give you the true L.A. driving experience) sounds like an unbelievably awesome thing to experience, whether virtual or real.

In case you can’t make out the above billboard, it says San Diego Fwy North (which happens to be my hometown) and Sepulveda Blvd (which happens to occasionally host L.A.’s finest working women). The game is slated for a September release on the Xbox 360 and PS3.

The future of marriage proposals: Super Smash Brothers level editor.

Posted in News with tags , on April 12, 2008 by pappimarx

A man named Brian Klima recently proposed to his girlfriend using a rather unusual medium and told Kotaku all about it:

“I came home from work with the ring on Wednesday, and while she was attending her grad school classes, I got to work on a custom level that would successfully convey my intentions.”I first tried spelling out ‘Will You Marry Me?’ but the limitations on the level’s file size wouldn’t allow it, so I then settled for the abridged version, “MARRY ME?” I set the match time limit to infinity, and then simply set up Mario, Peach, and Kirby (her favorite) around the level so that the camera was zoomed out as much as possible and the entire message fit on the screen. I then turned the TV off and just waited for her to come home.

“When she went to watch TV, the first image that appeared when the set powered on was my level. At first she asked, “Oh, are you in the middle of a game?” But after she noticed the small box in my hand, and I insisted that she give the TV another look, she figured out what was going on.”

“Oh, and she said, ‘Yes!'”

I can only hope that their wedding is Mushroom Kingdom themed with the honorable Reverend Birdo presiding.