Archive for January, 2010

Akon Talks; I Listen

Posted in Absurdity, News with tags , on January 27, 2010 by Pvt. Eyes

I travel a lot for work so sometimes it takes me awhile to catch up on pop music. I heard this song (which I don’t even think was that new) and my friend told me Akon involved in its creation.

I was kind of in disbelief because it seemed like it was a bit of a change of pace for him. Of course I was wrong, and I should have known because anything this guy touches turns to fucking gold.

A few more things about Akon: Did you know nobody actually knows how old he is? And he doesn’t believe in conflict diamonds? More popstars need to have crazy-ass backstories like this. Born with 15 toes? Raised by bizarre Christian sectarians? Fluent in 15 languages? Absolutely.

Back to this song “Sexy Bitch,” which is really great. I’m struck by the questions it raises as it moves into the chorus. To catch you up on what’s going on, this guy goes into a bar (actually it’s probably a club). I guess he’s heard some girl there is pretty dtf. He sees her and it’s stunning. He can’t even talk at this point, so the lyrics are basically describing his inner monologue:

“The way that booty moving i can’t take no more…
I’m trying to find the words to describe this girl
Without being disrespectful”

OK. Fair enough. We’ve all been in a situation like this. Maybe. Anyhow, apparently David Guetta (and also Akon) are thinking pretty hard about what’s going on. Eventually they do find words:

“Damn Girl You’se a sexy bitch, a sexy bitch, a sexy bitch
Damn Girl You’se a sexy bitch, damn girl
Damn Girl You’se a sexy bitch, a sexy bitch, a sexy bitch
Damn Girl You’se a sexy bitch, damn girl”

So the main question: are these the non-disrespectful words they found to describe this girl? Or is she just so spectacular looking they just gave up and decided to blurt out whatever came to mind, disrespectful or not.

Personally I think it’s the former. It’s actually a pretty urgent plea and if somebody was that upfront about something like that with me, I think I’d be into it.

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Three games that rock my face right now

Posted in Reviews with tags , , , , , , , on January 13, 2010 by daggius

Risk Next Gen

A 12 player, real time, online variation of the classic board game, Next Gen adds tanks, artillery, and ships to the quest for world domination.  This game has everything: diplomacy, backstabbing, hilarious Europeans cussing you out in broken English.  Did I mention battle on the high seas?  Next Gen games are free, hosted on Battle.net through Warcraft 3 with automatic stat recording and a ladder on their website.  Now the strategy game nerd and the competitive asshole in me are both satisfied with one game!

Jungle Style Pinball

While Gameprom’s last two iPhone pinball titles (Wild West and The Deep) weren’t terrible, they left a lot to be desired.  Wild West established that they could make a sweet pinball interface, but the gameplay lacked any sort of challenges to keep you interested; you were pretty much expected to sit there and repeat the same task a million times to get the high score.  The Deep aimed to improve on this with a slew of new challenges, but in the end it was a flawed effort with needlessly annoying sound effects and a game board that was clearly derived from the Wild West with only a few changes and a new theme.

Gameprom upped the ante with Jungle Style Pinball, a game that has a completely fresh interface including new features like spinning roulettes that determine whether you become trapped, release a multi-ball, or get a ball saver post, two mini-paddles half way up the board and a secret chamber with a mini paddle inside it, and missions that are fun and actually useful towards improving your score (like battling Tiki guards to defeat a giant gorilla or twisting the inlaid maze repeatedly to release the golden ball from inside).  This game has kept me way more entertained than my last 99 cent visit to the App Store, thanks a lot I Am T-Pain app.

Heroes of Newerth

Remove everything frustrating about the now 8-year-old game Dota (laggy games, limited graphical interface, disconnects, lack of voice chat, no direct rating system to avoid bad games, etc.) but retain the great gameplay, and you have Heroes of Newerth.  This game captures the essence of Dota and presents it in a more palatable form that gives the genre a fighting chance against future beasts like Starcraft 2.  I love Dota, but it is time to move on and Heroes of Newerth is the awesome answer to that.