The Mayor’s greatest games ever list.

These are the games that stand out from the pack for the simple reason that they are just fun. These are weighed on a scale that measures beyond the sum of the parts for that elusive fun factor that comes only from sniping some grub’s head, chomping on some pesky man flesh or ordering your team of 12 die hard followers to bunker down in the middle of the parking lot across from three raging Russians sitting on massive gun turrets. I’ve put this list in no particular order.

Jump Man – oldest school DOS Tandy 800, one floppy floppy – This is the game that led me to ruin. All my wasted hours spent playing games can be traced back to this life drain. Purpose of the game? Run around the screen collecting large X’s while avoiding autonomous 4 pixel bullets. Awesome.

Gears of War – The reason why your game sucks is because it isn’t Gears of War. I’ll probably get a lot of heat for this one, but only from small little boys too intimidated to hazard their hand at controlling some of the manliest, most like-myself (no one can handle myself

like…myself) characters ever created in gaming. This game is so good that as soon as I finish some other game, Gears goes right back in. Co-op Gears is probably the pinnacle of gaming. The game looses some of it sheen in verses when you say hello and are immediately greeted by two very angry kids yelling at you to suck their massive cocks and to fuck off. Uncalled for to say the least. And I only said hello, imagine if I said I had just fucked their mothers. Which I did by the way, but I didn’t tell them that.

Half Life 1 – Good game, fun. Everyone knows this. The only bad thing about this game is that it’s on every list made since its release. I’m debating leaving it off just for that reason. Yup, gone.

Freedom Fighters – Combine solid ragdoll physics, a hint of over the shoulder Gears combat, fun mission planning, no polish, lackluster AI and no multiplayer on PC and what do you get? One of the most fun crappy games ever. This game is responsible for some of my favorite single player gaming experiences. I’m pretty sure this game was relegated to 7.5 status which normally means it’s a PS3 game, but in regards to Freedom Fighters, a 7.5 actually refers to this game’s girth. Let’s just say this is the Ron Jeremy of gaming, it’s unattractive, short and not too bright, but for some reason, chicks love this game.

Jedi Knight: Jedi Outcast – Finally a Star Wars game that almost nails what it might be like to be a light saber wielding, ass severing Jedi. The combat was fast, furious, fluid and almost spot on. I say almost because at times it did feel like you might as well be swinging a baseball bat around and the gun play is relegated to the backseat but I’m willing to forgive these slip ups simply because Wayne Brady can force choke a bitch.

No One Lives Forever 1 – The first and only FPS to properly implement stealth and humor into a solid combat mechanic. Many games have tried; this is the only one to do it properly. Not even the solid NOLF 2 compares. This is the first game I remember that toppled Half-Life 1 for intelligent AI that was fun and worthy of battle.

FEAR – This game is really NOLF 1 but without the stealth mechanic. Or the humor. Some of the most memorable and frenetic combat scenarios I’ve played are from this game. This game has arguably the finest display of single player combat AI in a FPS. The only hang up I’ve found with this game is that many of the AI enemies are placed in compromising positions that a seasoned FPS player can exploit to wipe the level clear of enemy jerkbutts without too much trouble. Give em a chance though and they will put up an entertaining fight.

Jurassic Park on Sega Genesis – You play a Raptor in this game. About as rad as it gets.

Aladdin on Sega Genesis – One of the first games to incite a console skirmish the likes only to be matched by the present 360 vs. PS3 battles. I remember overhearing post playground convos between SNES Aladdin players defending their poop version against the infinitely superior Genesis version. It started innocently enough, the unsuspecting but confident Sega kid meandered into the lunch room after recess only to be jumped by three SNES kids brandishing their copies of B-team Aladdin, throwing apples and trying to jump on the poor kid’s head. It came to blows. Dazed and down but not out, the Sega kid pulled his secret weapon from his ragged pants, a 5 foot scimitar. With one circular swing through his attacker’s torsos the Sega kid was met with a satisfying pop as the three SNESers poofed into smoke. He then jumped on a carpet and flew off into a rock. I’m sure that didn’t turn out how he had planned, but then what does? That was a tough stage.

Games that were considered but were ultimately left off –

Ninja Gaiden on XBOX – The reason I bought an Xbox. It would be moved onto the list if only I could come to grips with putting “unadulterated fun” and “relentlessly hard” into the same sentence. Nonetheless, Ninja Gaiden 2 is one of the main reasons I got a 360 over the PS3.

God of War on PS2 – The reason I ever played a ps2 game from start to finish. Was kept off the list for no legitimate reason.

Mario 64 – This game was recommended to me for this list. Was kept off the list because I didn’t like this game. Same with Ocarina of Time. Same with pretty much any Mario or Zelda game except for Wind Waker. Yes, I am the guy that liked Wind Waker.

GTA 4 – Kept off because while it was great fun, a great game and I thoroughly enjoyed it, I really don’t see myself playing through the story mode again.

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time – Kept off the list because even though I played this game through probably 20 times and got to the point were I could beat the game in about 3 hours, in the end, I have beaten this game probably 20 times and can finish it in about 3 hours and after all that, I don’t really want to have anything to do with this game anymore.


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